Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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