can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
