The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
