she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Mom said you looked used
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
