my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
