Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
