Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
