Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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