a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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