Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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