If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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