I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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