Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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