I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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