..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
