He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
