R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
