Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
