I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
