i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
