I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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