Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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