you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
