Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
