but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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