Ketchup is God's man juice
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
