Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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