i don't like sucking hair
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
