The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
