dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He better not be in your backpack
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
