Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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