dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
