you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Randomize
