gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
