I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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