so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it's like heaven, but drunker
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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