help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Panties = found
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
