fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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