I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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