when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
