well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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