Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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