Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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