I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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