There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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