Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
