pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize