I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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