Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
