Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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