my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
