So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.