tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
