I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
