drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
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Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?