sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
