Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...

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(703): someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat... http://tfl.nu/oev5

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks

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(901): Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks http://tfl.nu/a6p7

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(831): View more from California

She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.

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(831): She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps. http://tfl.nu/t8aw

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(713): View more from Texas

Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?

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(713): Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave? http://tfl.nu/a6k0

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(678): View more from Georgia

Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.

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(678): Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too. http://tfl.nu/ijhr

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(503): View more from Oregon

today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.

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(503): today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola. http://tfl.nu/yi5l

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.

(+44): View more from United Kingdom

before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN

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(+44): just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown. (+44): before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN http://tfl.nu/72q0

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(805): View more from California

I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.

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(805): I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly. http://tfl.nu/8ih5

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(251): View more from Alabama

Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!

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(251): Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again! http://tfl.nu/h5pv

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(984): View more from North Carolina

i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.

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(984): i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight. http://tfl.nu/cncx

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(417): View more from Missouri

I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.

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(417): I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted. http://tfl.nu/wdy8

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(540): View more from Virginia

He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.

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(540): He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever. http://tfl.nu/fmlb

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(630): View more from Illinois

All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun

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(630): All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun http://tfl.nu/y2l0

Replies (6) Good night (1878) Bad night (312)
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(443): View more from Maryland

I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy

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(443): I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy http://tfl.nu/5ksv

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(443): View more from Maryland

There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.

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(443): There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity. http://tfl.nu/z2pz

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