The maid of honor just puked.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
