cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
