No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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