So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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