That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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