So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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