Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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