I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
