I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
