Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
