You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
